In little less than two months, my life will be over as I know it. The sun will not shine as bright, flowers will smell less fragrant and ovaries will dry up. Only to turn to dust that will blow about in the empty cavern that used to be my uterus. The only thing left for me to do is wait for death’s cold but welcomed hand to guide me out of this life.

Now, I didn’t know that these depressing events would wait for me on my 29th birthday. I just thought I would get the usual excuses from friends on why they once again forgot to show up to my party, but this past Friday morning I awoke to find a link emailed to me from a friend. The subject of the message was “Women ‘happiest at 28′”

“Really,” I thought, “out of the 70 years that an average woman living on earth can hope to live, 28 is the zenith?”

Clicking on the link and reading the article, I became extremely frustrated and angry. Why didn’t anyone tell me that is was it? I wasted my whole damn 28th year and this is the best it will get. Had I known all of this, I wouldn’t have told myself last year when I first turned 28, that I was going to use this as a growth year. A year to get my “fucking shit” together. A year I probably wouldn‘t contribute anything great to society but I try also not to end up in jail. Put it this way, if my 28th was a class in high school, it would home ec and I am in the back of the class hard-boiling the egg that I was suppose to take care of like a real baby. Also I would have tried harder to keep the newspaper I worked for open until August 11th. You can’t be happy and on unemployment. Anyone that tries to tell you different is a dirty, filthy liar.

Okay so I don’t take these sort of stories and research seriously. They are good for a laugh and can be great conversation starters but hold nothing more than that. You can’t take something like individual happiness and quantify or average it out. It’s impossible but I know that won’t keep people from trying. And, even if one was to attempt an extensive and complete study on the happiness of women, the logistics alone would take years before you could even get to the actual experiments.

You should know that “scientific studies” like this are actually market research surveys done by corporations, in this instance Clairol (I know, not only can it turn you into a blond but conduct extensive social studies while doing it.), who are looking for better ways to market their products to consumers. Lazy reporters love to write about them because hardly any work has to be done, it passes for (barely) for journalism and it keeps them busy so they don’t have to look at the wall of change being built by the Internet that is slowly entombing them. There were no control groups, no psychological testing were done on these women. Clairol sent out a survey to 4000 women who for some reason gave Clairol either their email or mailing address after almost certainly purchasing one of their products. 4000 woman who all buy Clairol products, not a vary sizable or diverse section of the human female population.

If you went to the heart of Swaziland and asked a 40-year-old woman if she was happiest at the age of 28, she would probably say (after attending the parade thrown for her for being the oldest woman in the country) that everyday she manages to stay alive and not get *AIDS is the happiest time in her life.

The woman from Swaziland and I are sort of similar, everyday I manage to wake up (and not get AIDS) is the happiest time in my life. Okay, I am not smiling and singing 24/7 but I am thankful that I am breathing so the bitch ass hostess at the restaurant annoy me. Well I don’t think the last part is true for the lady in Swaziland so we aren‘t that similar. But we are both black ladies and for many that is bad enough.

Your happiness depends on you. It will not magically come or go with a certain age, hair color or person that enters your life. It’s not a leprechaun. Leprechaun are not real. I know because when I was 8 the only thing I found at the end of the rainbow I followed was a dirty old mattress. But it was East St. Louis so someone might have killed it or he was getting high in the crack house across the street.

* I know sometimes treat serious issues with humor but the situation in Swaziland is real and heartbreaking. The average life span is 39 years due to having one of the highest prevalence of HIV in the world. Tragic for a place that has such a rich history and beautiful culture.